Flat Crazy by Ben Rehder

Author:Ben Rehder [Rehder, Ben]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: humor, mystery, western, Texas
Published: 2011-08-25T15:00:00+00:00

21

THE SET THAT was used in most of Marty Hoffenhauser’s films was really just an old airplane hangar on Marty’s property. One half of the hangar housed a wide variety of furniture, clothing, and other props. Depending on the script, the small crew could slap together a bedroom one morning, then have a restaurant standing in the same spot that afternoon. Just outside the hangar was a travel trailer that the cast used as a dressing room between shots.

Marty asked Mike Hung to meet him at the hangar Saturday morning. Just the two of them, with no distractions. Shooting was on hold for the time being, while Marty tried to solve this delicate problem. This particular morning, the crew was prepared to return to the set on a moment’s notice.

“So how’s it going, Mike?” Marty asked, handing the star a glass of orange juice. He wanted to approach this topic just right. Casual, not worried. Concerned, but not in a panic. They both took a seat.

“Aw, so-so,” Mike replied. He appeared downright depressed. It broke Marty’s heart to see this once-proud dwarf with such a hangdog expression.

“You been getting plenty of sleep?”

Hung nodded, but he stared into his glass.

“Yeah, well, that’s good. Plenty of sleep can do you a world of good. I gotta have eight hours every night myself.”

Mike was not exactly bubbling with conversation.

So Marty continued. “I’ve been thinking about something, Mike. Something that could be the answer to our small … issue.” Marty shifted in his chair. “From what I understand—in your country—when a man isn’t feeling quite as … masculine as he would like, there are certain items that can give him a … boost. Is that right?”

Mike made eye contact, but appeared confused. The language barrier was sometimes a problem.

“You know—aphrodisiacs?” Marty said.

Mike didn’t appear to know that word. Marty didn’t know how to say it in Chinese.

“For instance”—Marty had done some research on the Internet—“the penis from a horse? Bear gallbladder? Moth larvae?”

Mike began to grin. “Yes, yes, velly good stuff.” He frowned. “But not available here.”

“No, no, they’re not,” Marty replied. He leaned over and opened a brown grocery bag. “But there is something we have here that can do the trick.”

Marty pulled the items out of the bag. Two matching antlers, four points on each. Junior Barstow had been kind enough to lop the antlers off what he had called a “basket rack eight.”

Marty watched Hung’s face, and was pleased to see that he appeared interested.

“You ever use these?” Marty asked.

Hung shook his head. “But I hear they much powaful.” The little guy used a voice—a whisper, really—that one would normally reserve for talking about a saint.

Marty laughed. “Damn right they are! They’ll make you more virile than you’ve ever been before!” Then Marty wondered if he was overdoing it. He sounded like a cheesy late-night infomercial for a Viagra knockoff. And besides—judging from Hung’s expression—he didn’t need to be sold. According to many different Web sites, deer antlers were one of

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.